Don't forget to water your flowers!!!

So hi, I’m back from the dead!

It’s half three am, not sleeping, thinking, wanting to write.

You know people go on with life, old friendships fade away they become memories or not even that. I’m really afraid of that and it happened not that long ago.

Well two years ago I went to study to another city (small country, it’s like two hours away - but big deal here, because not a lot of kids leave for the secondary school) So I had this amazing group of friends the six of them, we made a pact to meet every friday for a drink. And yeah it kind of worked for like three four months but then they got busy, birthday parties this and that and the group narrowed to two me and this other friend (well the other two quarreled with the others and themselves later -_- so they didn’t come but I still met up with them)

Well for the other two I just thought that they were busy, but well this one friend that stays and come for a drink to this day told me that they hang out regularly but yeah just without me and i have no idea why (well I do cuz I always do, if I didn’t have I wouldn’t be still awake and write about it right ;) ).

Well I think because I went away they kinda alienated from me, but I don’t know why and that’s really bugging me.

I always invite them I always call they’re always busy and we had such connection two, three years ago and that just faded away from month to month.

If I see them now I think we wouldn’t have much to talk about there wouldn’t be that spontaneous feeling among us that would just bring the words out and let us have a good time.

They always told us that friendships fade away, we never believed it, but reality slaped us in the face and it hurts me, cuz I never thought that they would just throw me out.

I won’t say that i don’t have friends and that I’m totally emo now haha, because I’m not. In secondary school I got a hella lot of new friends with same interests as me and that’s amazing I love them all, but sometimes you just need someone totally opposite than you but we as it seems forgot about that. Well this one friend with whom I always have that awkward conversation of facebook (because otherwise I don’t have a chance to talk to him or see him...) you know the hello, how are you, what are you doing and brb and that’s it that’s all I get from him, three years ago we would sit together for over three hours talking laughing and now we don’t even know how to talk to each other, that’s just sad. Well he’s kind of shy he’s not pushy or that person that would bring people to himself so he’s still holding to those two friends and i think i got pushed out of that group just because I wasn’t there like all the time cuz I got away for school and that just hurts me. I know you can walk away and find new groups of people to hang out with but to just throw out the one person out cuz you don’t want to talk to him. well I don’t really see a point here and I just don’t understand it. That one friend that is still holding on she always says they just wanted three of us well then why did that include the person that lives two blocks away that you never talked to before and that ruined the night for all and you just kind of forgot about me?

I just don’t understand that really, you know seven years of friendship, conquering fears, breaking down the walls together just faded away like that, I mean really?

I’m not saying that I’m alone, because I’m not, I just really miss those moments we had together I really truly do and why do this always have to happen.

If I could have 1000 arms I would hold on to people that changed my life, made me into who I am today and taught me so many things, I would I’d take a minute a second every day to tell them that over and over again just to remind them that we had something special and that that can’t just fade away like that.

Now I’m on the summer break away from all my school friends it’s been like a month from when I saw them last and now that I’m in town I will call them all for a drink or ice cream, to just remind myself that the energy the feeling that happens between a group of people isn’t a coincidence but it’s much more and it doesn’t fade away it stays as long as you want to, you just have to want that and remember that you are not your own creation, every eye that looked at you, every breath that crossed you, every touch that moved you and every word that made you listen helped you grow an inch higher.

Without love we are machines, without feelings we are things, and without friends we are not humans!

Always remember to hold on to those who let you, and don’t forget to always remind them of their strong hand that helped you cross every rough path and every rough river to this beautiful garden full of blossoms that bloomed from your friendship.

Don't forget to water your flowers ;),

Pa3k

Fifty Shades of Sheeps: About Life, Art and Animals

Hey guys!

It's been a long time since my last post, sorry for that but I needed a good topic to talk about and today I got it and it will be hard to just stop writing.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lNI07egoefc

So this is a video that I watched and it made me think about a lot of things.

Let's start with my opinion as an artist about it I agree with it on some point and I disagree on the other point.

The history of art is great and grand and fat and big and full and all those things.

The meaning of modern art is very relative if you ask me, because everybody see, feel and understand things differently (like the dress lol). So modern art can be as meaningful as meaningless. Art as a term is becoming more and more commercial if you ask me, because everybody can be an »artist« nowadays, you can buy a canvas and you can buy paint for very cheap unbelievably (what is great for me, because art schools are not as cheap as the requisites are…). So we should ask ourselves ho is an artist? Everyone who can draw?

I’ll be so damn strict about this that some may get very mad and some may see what actually takes. Now let’s say you see a road sign with a human painted on it. It’s a circle and very simplify body right? Everybody can do it, everybody can replicate that shape, but very few will know why is that shape like that and this is because they’ve studied human body, muscles, gestures, movement but then they took all that knowledge and squeezed all that in that simple shape we meet every day. And modern art is like that Picassos said: “As a child I tried to be as a great masters but as an adult I tried really hard to be as a child”. And that says it all. He learned he gained all that great master’s ability and knowledge, but then he made his pieces more simplified versions to move back from the photography and show what more we can do and what imagination allows. And that clicked, we see his work we are impressed and when we think of an artist it is Picasso or Da Vinci. Artists can be as extravagant or as simple. Extravagant is and it was the idea of a sex object, but that changed A LOT! Let’s talk a little bit about the Botticelli’s The Birth of Venus, there is a full naked woman painted and there is nothing sexual about her, she is just beautiful. Now let’s take a look at Fragonard’s baroque or rococo painting The Swing, the scene is so extravagant and they are all dresses (okay we do see woman’s stockings), but the difference is that The Swing has a teasing idea of infidelity that is much more sexual then a scared naked woman standing in the seashell. Now men are men and they will forever be men no matter what and pin-up art is beautiful In my opinion but it is extravagant in it own way and it is not “appropriate” (not the fully right  word but let’s roll with it) for everyone, but The Birth of Venus and The Swing are. Sexuality meant many different things through the history.

I’ll move a bit further from that, but I’ll come back in a few sentences. So the crowd, community is impressed and even pleased with art that is meaningless, because of two things, first is the name: So if the well-known artist would exhibit, display a fully blank canvas (that happened) in a gallery, the crowd would be pleased with it, because others are and if my neighbor likes it I’ll like it too to show that I’m not “small minded”. Well you are not… the other thing are critics their opinion matters the most (our greatest poet France Prešeren said in one of his poems “Let a shoemaker judge only shoes!”)! And people fall for that even if they don’t see anything in the piece of canvas. And that’s why we are sheeps, we follow the shepherd and see what they want us to see and do what they want us to do. We make promises to ourselves that we don’t keep, we say things that we don’t mean and we are turning into robots with no emotions. We are weak we believe that there is someone who can saves us, well if you believe that you’ll wait forever. We became barbaric we became obsessed with commercial and totally forgot about beauty and art. So what are we looking at nowadays? As I’ve said sex has always been shown in art, because people fell for that and we still do, but how? I’ll tell you what I saw this past week. We went to the exhibition of graduates of graphic design and illustration I was mad and it really opened my eyes. Before I tell you about that I have to mention what one of the professors said to us once: “Graphic design has to be the love, not a constraint and money should not win over the meaning, don’t ever do something that you don’t feel.” And with that I started to think about all those commercials that are appearing on the internet about everything, someone had to make them, but the meaning of them is pointless, but the designers got paid for it and they just didn’t care, and that’s wrong when you see a sign this is made in that country, this comes from there blah, blah those lies were design by someone and they got paid for it… So at the exhibition we saw some beautiful, great done designs of books, newspaper illustration, text design, but there was something from the female artist that caught  everyone’s eye, because it was so extravagant. Before us there were little kids maybe 10 years old on that exhibition and the theme weren’t for them it was too “extravagant” they would say, but no it wasn’t it was just commercial and cheap. I must say that the artist is a big feminist herself, but what I saw was something that made me angry and disgusting. It was fifty shades of tied naked women with no faces that 10 year-olds were looking at and there was the whole wall with newspaper illustrations with exposed parts.

When I was little and I just learn how to read (poorly but I was proud of myself) I took the nearest newspaper and told my dad: “I’ll read something to you” And I opened the magazine and I remember it was written with those big fat latters (I believe is was Helvetica or something very similar if you want to know) and it spoke to me, because it had so much power on those two pages to I started reading “Today you’ll enjoy sex with your partner as never before” when I read it my face was red I was embarrassed and I stood up and left the kitchen. You may think yeah okay what do you want to say? I want to say that vulgarity is becoming too commercial because there is nothing more left to say about things to we took taboos and we exposed them on much vulgarized way. But why? One of many illustrations said “Treat me like your leather” and you say that you are a feminist, please for what are you fighting for? For dominative men and tied up women, that wants to be treated as a leather and we are cheering to that because it’s so extravagant and scandalous, well how did we come from the beautiful Venus to tied up bitch that doesn’t have a face. Vulgarity is this year’s black or grey should I say, we are all obsessed with it, but how does this speak to the younger audience? We don’t ask yourselves that until the money stops flowing and suddenly everything is not that fun when everybody is naked and sexual and vulgar suddenly we see that frightened face of newborn Venus that is telling us that love is more than sex, nudity, love is about passion, affection and complimenting each other and that of course contains making love but on so nonbarbaric way that is almost divinely. Of course I’m saying all that in superlative way, but still there is more to art than sex and vulgarity there is beauty that we’ve hid and made people from persons to objects and that loses a meaning of modern art that is too commercial and less beautiful if I may say that. Now everything is cute, but so little can be called beautiful, can we bring that back.

And in that video there are many things that I don’t agree on. Modern art should wake emotions inside of you what expressionism started and moved away from reality and closer to thought, dreams and feelings and modern art should do just that. The only question is: Do you feel it or do you just see it?

From the one black dot on the canvas to many splashes of colors dropped on a canvas. It is not about what you see it’s about what you feel. Art speaks to us more than just physically, it speaks to us emotionally and that’s why we like it and why it should stay in galleries

Have a nice day!
Pa3k

Dreams

Hey guys!

Wow it's been a long time since I sat down and write something for you and for me. So it's already 2015...crazy. I wish you all a happy, successful year! You are amazing and your year will be awesome!

So today I want to talk about DREAMS. We humen we are wow crazy, we know so much, but it's all hidden. Yes we do forget things but in the back of our heads there is so much information that you couldn’t imagine (well I’m not a scientist or anything, but that obvious right?).

So Cinderella said “A dream is a wish, your heart makes...” and now that I’m thinking about it, it is kind of true. A dream is a thought that you need to remember but you don’t. I wish i was writing a dream journal or how do they call it, because I think that you could really find the missing pieces of the puzzle, or maybe just find out more about you. It’s so creepy when you think of that, but I think that it is kind of important to try to remember your dreams and try to connect them with your everyday life, because sooner or later it will turn out good!

Like that will be a totally banal example, but once upon a time...hahah just kidding a while ago I forgot my PIN code for my bank card, well I never actually knew it :/, but it was written in my phone, and I somehow lost it, I thought that I delete it or something when i was “cleaning” my phone... and for a moment I was devastated...then I forgot about, because I didn’t need it, but then you wouldn’t believe it, I dreamed about it! Though I was told that in the dreams you can’t read (I’ll get to that later), but I saw those numbers written on a paper in the dreams. When I woke up I didn’t think about it that much, I guess i didn’t remember it, but while we were eating that scene just popped in my head, those numbers. And I was like: “Wait, could that be... nah ah I don’t believe it...” and I didn’t think about it. It wasn’t until the week before New Year’s eve, when I was searching through my phone, trying to find some verses I wrote last year as New Year’s wishes, that I found the PIN code and it was the same combination that I dreamed about! Crazy! I was blown away really.

So like two days later we went to visit a very good friend and the talk led us to dreams. So she said that many times she could realised that she is actually dreaming in the dream. That never happened to me and I hope that it will some day. So she was saying that she tried to read a book and she couldn’t in some ways she couldn’t read or the words didn’t make any sense. She also told us that in the dream it may appear that you have more or less than 5 fingers on your hands or toes on feet. That’s just crazy. So I don’t know if that really means anything, but I just read that if dream is in black and white it may be, because it is like a warning or some kind, if the dreams are in vibrant colors they should be good dreams. So I’m thinking about how it feels when you know you are dreaming. I hope you understand that I’m usually being personal in my posts so excuse me for saying, but I do believe in god and in heaven and in soul, what I’m trying to say is, that our subconscious (wow that’s a hard word to spell...) is our soul and when we are sleeping our soul somehow disconnect with our body and could visit another galaxies, I know that sounds crazy but heaven knows what can we do outside our bodies.

So that friend she also talked about her father and how he could know that he is dreaming and he could control his dreams and he could go anywhere he’d like. Now i can’t really imagine how would that look like because then you wouldn’t want to wake up. What if that is the future, that we could actually live in our dreams. In my point of view that could kill you I mean, you could fall into a trance and never wake up, that can lead to not eating at least physically and would be just crazy creepy but still wonderful we could live anywhere we could do anything. A dream maybe is a different galaxy that our spirit lives, and we have that connection or maybe, that there are two of us, you and a “dream you” and when you are sleeping you are in the world of a “dream you” and when you are awake a “dream you” is dreaming your world. It’s sounds extremely crazy, but maybe there actually is no physical world and we are just ideas that are created through dreams that are flowing somewhere in the galaxy or maybe like Avatar, our body is connected to the machine that creates a world around you, but you are actually laying still and you don’t realise that.

That is truly creepy, I’m freaking myself up by saying those things, but wow. maybe those thoughts that I have now are the program bugs that want’s to let us know that this isn’t true.

Well I hope you are not freaked out too much, I don’t really think that this is true, but I think there is something more to this life than just living, that just can’t be a full circle and then you live life in peace in heaven? I can’t imagine that how does the peace look like? how does it feel? But I have to believe in it, because there sure is something, we are more than just physical beings, the world is something more than just that, but what? we will never know well until we close our eyes for the last time.

Now that I wrote this I will be thinking about it for days and it will be hard for me to fall asleep, because this thoughts will haunt me for a long time.

I know you are a bit shy, but please comment below if you ever realised you are dreaming and how do you wake up how is that possible? Please if you are not shy please let me know

P.S. Of course, a big thanks goes to Google Drive that is helping me spell those crazy english words (I'm not good at that). And I'm adding this illustration I've painted don't to freak you out even more

Be well! I’ll write soon!