Don't forget to water your flowers!!!

So hi, I’m back from the dead!

It’s half three am, not sleeping, thinking, wanting to write.

You know people go on with life, old friendships fade away they become memories or not even that. I’m really afraid of that and it happened not that long ago.

Well two years ago I went to study to another city (small country, it’s like two hours away - but big deal here, because not a lot of kids leave for the secondary school) So I had this amazing group of friends the six of them, we made a pact to meet every friday for a drink. And yeah it kind of worked for like three four months but then they got busy, birthday parties this and that and the group narrowed to two me and this other friend (well the other two quarreled with the others and themselves later -_- so they didn’t come but I still met up with them)

Well for the other two I just thought that they were busy, but well this one friend that stays and come for a drink to this day told me that they hang out regularly but yeah just without me and i have no idea why (well I do cuz I always do, if I didn’t have I wouldn’t be still awake and write about it right ;) ).

Well I think because I went away they kinda alienated from me, but I don’t know why and that’s really bugging me.

I always invite them I always call they’re always busy and we had such connection two, three years ago and that just faded away from month to month.

If I see them now I think we wouldn’t have much to talk about there wouldn’t be that spontaneous feeling among us that would just bring the words out and let us have a good time.

They always told us that friendships fade away, we never believed it, but reality slaped us in the face and it hurts me, cuz I never thought that they would just throw me out.

I won’t say that i don’t have friends and that I’m totally emo now haha, because I’m not. In secondary school I got a hella lot of new friends with same interests as me and that’s amazing I love them all, but sometimes you just need someone totally opposite than you but we as it seems forgot about that. Well this one friend with whom I always have that awkward conversation of facebook (because otherwise I don’t have a chance to talk to him or see him...) you know the hello, how are you, what are you doing and brb and that’s it that’s all I get from him, three years ago we would sit together for over three hours talking laughing and now we don’t even know how to talk to each other, that’s just sad. Well he’s kind of shy he’s not pushy or that person that would bring people to himself so he’s still holding to those two friends and i think i got pushed out of that group just because I wasn’t there like all the time cuz I got away for school and that just hurts me. I know you can walk away and find new groups of people to hang out with but to just throw out the one person out cuz you don’t want to talk to him. well I don’t really see a point here and I just don’t understand it. That one friend that is still holding on she always says they just wanted three of us well then why did that include the person that lives two blocks away that you never talked to before and that ruined the night for all and you just kind of forgot about me?

I just don’t understand that really, you know seven years of friendship, conquering fears, breaking down the walls together just faded away like that, I mean really?

I’m not saying that I’m alone, because I’m not, I just really miss those moments we had together I really truly do and why do this always have to happen.

If I could have 1000 arms I would hold on to people that changed my life, made me into who I am today and taught me so many things, I would I’d take a minute a second every day to tell them that over and over again just to remind them that we had something special and that that can’t just fade away like that.

Now I’m on the summer break away from all my school friends it’s been like a month from when I saw them last and now that I’m in town I will call them all for a drink or ice cream, to just remind myself that the energy the feeling that happens between a group of people isn’t a coincidence but it’s much more and it doesn’t fade away it stays as long as you want to, you just have to want that and remember that you are not your own creation, every eye that looked at you, every breath that crossed you, every touch that moved you and every word that made you listen helped you grow an inch higher.

Without love we are machines, without feelings we are things, and without friends we are not humans!

Always remember to hold on to those who let you, and don’t forget to always remind them of their strong hand that helped you cross every rough path and every rough river to this beautiful garden full of blossoms that bloomed from your friendship.

Don't forget to water your flowers ;),

Pa3k

Talking!

Hey guys!

I hope you don't hate ma cuz I didn't wrote for a long time, but I just don't want to repeat myself over and over again and I don't know if I ever wrote about this before, but yeah it's 3 am, still up, deep thoughts are coming to me and I don't want to lose them so I'll share them.
And this will sound desperate or maybe corny, but I hope that you get something out of these posts and I hope you enjoy them :D

So lately I opened myself to a little bit of psychiatry, well it wasn't anything big hahaah, but I really enjoyed talking and finding solutions with a person that I was talking to. I hope she won't be mad or anything that I'm writing this, but I just have to.
And she is "unfortunately" going to the psychiatrist. And I don't know if you from US, think that's pretty common, but here in Slovenia that is a bit taboo (but now it's like very cool thing, but people with real issues don't want to talk about it, but with a bottle of vine, people talk ;) sorry!)
But she talked a bit about the meetings and the way that they are talking (I know that there is a word for that, but it's there on my tongue and it doesn't want to come out, trust me I tried), so I really liked, how the psyhiatrist is really trying to get her to find the solutions and her problem is that she doesn't want to listen, she just talks and feel miserable about her life.

Ok, here I think I'll start talking about the thing that I want to talk about. So first of all, it's really important to talk to yourself (sounds creepy and totally useless cuz you're doing it but...), but not those regular stuff, but get deep with yourself, talk about yourself ask why, ask what is the real problem.

People are obsessed with love, now I understand why the parents married their's kids in the history, so they wouldn't get over excited about love and then totally break because of that, I mean if someone you don't really love is screwing someone else that won't brake you that much to have all of these "mean thoughts" (please god you were put here for a reason! Why was it you? find that!!!) ( *about the history tragedy* ok, that's not totally true that happened, cuz you have to live with that person and you don't have a choice, but to "love" them/ really deeply care about them), so what I mean to say is, that they wanted to protect kids from love :/
(wow! I feel like I'm the devil or something like that LOVE IS BAD!! NEVER FALL IN LOVE!! XD) I totally don't want to say that, I want to say that you have to look for the right person, not just someone who would stick their tongue in your throat and look at you very lovely, but then never call, but smeone, with who you don't have to do all of this stuff to know that he/she is the right one.

Enough about love, cuz I'm not an expert and some people will really hate this part, but what can I do...
So back to tha talking. Two things! First if you are quiet, you are not doing anything, well you are, you're pushing the pain in the back of your mind, and when the good thoughts will be gone, the bad ones will chasing you back, you have to face with the pain and problems! And I KNOW that this is the hardest thing to do, but if you can face with those thoughts you're already a winner! Now, up there we were talking about talking to yourself, now that won't work for everyone, but it can't do you bad. Before you go to sleep (like me, that's why I'm still up now writing this), before you close your eyes, look in the dark and just think for a moment, thoughts will come, don't worrym, when you have them just talk about them (BTW my best song is now on radio XD maybe this post will get any cheerful) and you'll see that when you start talking about what a miserable person you are, you will realise that you can fix all of that with the simplest things, it really amazing! I found them so can you!
But, if this is not working very well, you have this one friend who won't judge you, talk to them, but tell them that you just want them to listen and that you want to help youself and if you see, that this is not working maybe together you can find a solution (I always forget that word... -_-).
I totally believe that in school you didn't understand the thing until you started to talk about it! You know your answers, you just have to let them out and if you're quiet, you're not doing anything, just making it way worse.

Solutions are like bubbles, if you don't blow them them won't happen/appear, so get you stuff together and remeber all you need is to talk, to open those secret mouth of yours and let it out. JUST LET IT GO, LET IT GO, YOU CAN'T HOLD IT BACK ANYMORE! RIGHT?

+ To this friend of mine I gave three metaphors and of course I'll share them (and they are from my imagination :D )

1. So the man is riding the camel and they are traveling through Sahara and they are almost there, almost and the camel dies because she didn't have enough water to drink. What will the men do? will he die aside her?
Will he give up? NO! he will go and save himself he will run cuz he believes in himself!
AND I WANT YOU ALL TO BELIEVE IN YOURSELF!

2. The miner in very cose to find these special diamonds, he is so excited and he is digging and digging with his pickaxe, but he is digging so hard that hid pickaxe breaks, he taked out those sensors for diamonds and he sees that he is alomst there. But he don't have a pickaxe will ge give up? I don't think so he'll dig with his little hands like a crazy dog, cuz he really wants them and he won't what? He won't GIVE UP! NEVER GIVE UP, ALWAYS REMEMBER YOUR GOALS AND WHY DO YOU WANT TO ACHEVE THEM!

3. Ok you have your watch (antique one) and it breakes, so you take the other watch (different model) and you try to get the clock wheel form that watch to work in your antique watch, but it won't work, cuz the clock wheel doesn't fit. SO IF YOU TRY TO FILL A SPECIFIC PLACE IN YOUR HEART WITH SOMETHING THAT DOESN'T BELONG THERE IT WON'T WORK! YOU HAVE TO LOVE YOURSELF FIRST SO YOU CAN LOVE ANYONE ELSE!

PHRASE FROM DAEE DAYS WITH SIERRA BOGGESS: "YOU ARE ENOUGH, YOU ARE SO ENOUGH, IT'S UNBELIEVABLE HOW ENOUGH YOU ARE!"

P.S. you get this creepy painting of mine (I was learning on illustrator- don't judge)

and if you want you can help me with topics to wrote about :)

Have a nice day everyone!

pa3k :D