Don't forget to water your flowers!!!

So hi, I’m back from the dead!

It’s half three am, not sleeping, thinking, wanting to write.

You know people go on with life, old friendships fade away they become memories or not even that. I’m really afraid of that and it happened not that long ago.

Well two years ago I went to study to another city (small country, it’s like two hours away - but big deal here, because not a lot of kids leave for the secondary school) So I had this amazing group of friends the six of them, we made a pact to meet every friday for a drink. And yeah it kind of worked for like three four months but then they got busy, birthday parties this and that and the group narrowed to two me and this other friend (well the other two quarreled with the others and themselves later -_- so they didn’t come but I still met up with them)

Well for the other two I just thought that they were busy, but well this one friend that stays and come for a drink to this day told me that they hang out regularly but yeah just without me and i have no idea why (well I do cuz I always do, if I didn’t have I wouldn’t be still awake and write about it right ;) ).

Well I think because I went away they kinda alienated from me, but I don’t know why and that’s really bugging me.

I always invite them I always call they’re always busy and we had such connection two, three years ago and that just faded away from month to month.

If I see them now I think we wouldn’t have much to talk about there wouldn’t be that spontaneous feeling among us that would just bring the words out and let us have a good time.

They always told us that friendships fade away, we never believed it, but reality slaped us in the face and it hurts me, cuz I never thought that they would just throw me out.

I won’t say that i don’t have friends and that I’m totally emo now haha, because I’m not. In secondary school I got a hella lot of new friends with same interests as me and that’s amazing I love them all, but sometimes you just need someone totally opposite than you but we as it seems forgot about that. Well this one friend with whom I always have that awkward conversation of facebook (because otherwise I don’t have a chance to talk to him or see him...) you know the hello, how are you, what are you doing and brb and that’s it that’s all I get from him, three years ago we would sit together for over three hours talking laughing and now we don’t even know how to talk to each other, that’s just sad. Well he’s kind of shy he’s not pushy or that person that would bring people to himself so he’s still holding to those two friends and i think i got pushed out of that group just because I wasn’t there like all the time cuz I got away for school and that just hurts me. I know you can walk away and find new groups of people to hang out with but to just throw out the one person out cuz you don’t want to talk to him. well I don’t really see a point here and I just don’t understand it. That one friend that is still holding on she always says they just wanted three of us well then why did that include the person that lives two blocks away that you never talked to before and that ruined the night for all and you just kind of forgot about me?

I just don’t understand that really, you know seven years of friendship, conquering fears, breaking down the walls together just faded away like that, I mean really?

I’m not saying that I’m alone, because I’m not, I just really miss those moments we had together I really truly do and why do this always have to happen.

If I could have 1000 arms I would hold on to people that changed my life, made me into who I am today and taught me so many things, I would I’d take a minute a second every day to tell them that over and over again just to remind them that we had something special and that that can’t just fade away like that.

Now I’m on the summer break away from all my school friends it’s been like a month from when I saw them last and now that I’m in town I will call them all for a drink or ice cream, to just remind myself that the energy the feeling that happens between a group of people isn’t a coincidence but it’s much more and it doesn’t fade away it stays as long as you want to, you just have to want that and remember that you are not your own creation, every eye that looked at you, every breath that crossed you, every touch that moved you and every word that made you listen helped you grow an inch higher.

Without love we are machines, without feelings we are things, and without friends we are not humans!

Always remember to hold on to those who let you, and don’t forget to always remind them of their strong hand that helped you cross every rough path and every rough river to this beautiful garden full of blossoms that bloomed from your friendship.

Don't forget to water your flowers ;),

Pa3k

Fifty Shades of Sheeps: About Life, Art and Animals

Hey guys!

It's been a long time since my last post, sorry for that but I needed a good topic to talk about and today I got it and it will be hard to just stop writing.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lNI07egoefc

So this is a video that I watched and it made me think about a lot of things.

Let's start with my opinion as an artist about it I agree with it on some point and I disagree on the other point.

The history of art is great and grand and fat and big and full and all those things.

The meaning of modern art is very relative if you ask me, because everybody see, feel and understand things differently (like the dress lol). So modern art can be as meaningful as meaningless. Art as a term is becoming more and more commercial if you ask me, because everybody can be an »artist« nowadays, you can buy a canvas and you can buy paint for very cheap unbelievably (what is great for me, because art schools are not as cheap as the requisites are…). So we should ask ourselves ho is an artist? Everyone who can draw?

I’ll be so damn strict about this that some may get very mad and some may see what actually takes. Now let’s say you see a road sign with a human painted on it. It’s a circle and very simplify body right? Everybody can do it, everybody can replicate that shape, but very few will know why is that shape like that and this is because they’ve studied human body, muscles, gestures, movement but then they took all that knowledge and squeezed all that in that simple shape we meet every day. And modern art is like that Picassos said: “As a child I tried to be as a great masters but as an adult I tried really hard to be as a child”. And that says it all. He learned he gained all that great master’s ability and knowledge, but then he made his pieces more simplified versions to move back from the photography and show what more we can do and what imagination allows. And that clicked, we see his work we are impressed and when we think of an artist it is Picasso or Da Vinci. Artists can be as extravagant or as simple. Extravagant is and it was the idea of a sex object, but that changed A LOT! Let’s talk a little bit about the Botticelli’s The Birth of Venus, there is a full naked woman painted and there is nothing sexual about her, she is just beautiful. Now let’s take a look at Fragonard’s baroque or rococo painting The Swing, the scene is so extravagant and they are all dresses (okay we do see woman’s stockings), but the difference is that The Swing has a teasing idea of infidelity that is much more sexual then a scared naked woman standing in the seashell. Now men are men and they will forever be men no matter what and pin-up art is beautiful In my opinion but it is extravagant in it own way and it is not “appropriate” (not the fully right  word but let’s roll with it) for everyone, but The Birth of Venus and The Swing are. Sexuality meant many different things through the history.

I’ll move a bit further from that, but I’ll come back in a few sentences. So the crowd, community is impressed and even pleased with art that is meaningless, because of two things, first is the name: So if the well-known artist would exhibit, display a fully blank canvas (that happened) in a gallery, the crowd would be pleased with it, because others are and if my neighbor likes it I’ll like it too to show that I’m not “small minded”. Well you are not… the other thing are critics their opinion matters the most (our greatest poet France Prešeren said in one of his poems “Let a shoemaker judge only shoes!”)! And people fall for that even if they don’t see anything in the piece of canvas. And that’s why we are sheeps, we follow the shepherd and see what they want us to see and do what they want us to do. We make promises to ourselves that we don’t keep, we say things that we don’t mean and we are turning into robots with no emotions. We are weak we believe that there is someone who can saves us, well if you believe that you’ll wait forever. We became barbaric we became obsessed with commercial and totally forgot about beauty and art. So what are we looking at nowadays? As I’ve said sex has always been shown in art, because people fell for that and we still do, but how? I’ll tell you what I saw this past week. We went to the exhibition of graduates of graphic design and illustration I was mad and it really opened my eyes. Before I tell you about that I have to mention what one of the professors said to us once: “Graphic design has to be the love, not a constraint and money should not win over the meaning, don’t ever do something that you don’t feel.” And with that I started to think about all those commercials that are appearing on the internet about everything, someone had to make them, but the meaning of them is pointless, but the designers got paid for it and they just didn’t care, and that’s wrong when you see a sign this is made in that country, this comes from there blah, blah those lies were design by someone and they got paid for it… So at the exhibition we saw some beautiful, great done designs of books, newspaper illustration, text design, but there was something from the female artist that caught  everyone’s eye, because it was so extravagant. Before us there were little kids maybe 10 years old on that exhibition and the theme weren’t for them it was too “extravagant” they would say, but no it wasn’t it was just commercial and cheap. I must say that the artist is a big feminist herself, but what I saw was something that made me angry and disgusting. It was fifty shades of tied naked women with no faces that 10 year-olds were looking at and there was the whole wall with newspaper illustrations with exposed parts.

When I was little and I just learn how to read (poorly but I was proud of myself) I took the nearest newspaper and told my dad: “I’ll read something to you” And I opened the magazine and I remember it was written with those big fat latters (I believe is was Helvetica or something very similar if you want to know) and it spoke to me, because it had so much power on those two pages to I started reading “Today you’ll enjoy sex with your partner as never before” when I read it my face was red I was embarrassed and I stood up and left the kitchen. You may think yeah okay what do you want to say? I want to say that vulgarity is becoming too commercial because there is nothing more left to say about things to we took taboos and we exposed them on much vulgarized way. But why? One of many illustrations said “Treat me like your leather” and you say that you are a feminist, please for what are you fighting for? For dominative men and tied up women, that wants to be treated as a leather and we are cheering to that because it’s so extravagant and scandalous, well how did we come from the beautiful Venus to tied up bitch that doesn’t have a face. Vulgarity is this year’s black or grey should I say, we are all obsessed with it, but how does this speak to the younger audience? We don’t ask yourselves that until the money stops flowing and suddenly everything is not that fun when everybody is naked and sexual and vulgar suddenly we see that frightened face of newborn Venus that is telling us that love is more than sex, nudity, love is about passion, affection and complimenting each other and that of course contains making love but on so nonbarbaric way that is almost divinely. Of course I’m saying all that in superlative way, but still there is more to art than sex and vulgarity there is beauty that we’ve hid and made people from persons to objects and that loses a meaning of modern art that is too commercial and less beautiful if I may say that. Now everything is cute, but so little can be called beautiful, can we bring that back.

And in that video there are many things that I don’t agree on. Modern art should wake emotions inside of you what expressionism started and moved away from reality and closer to thought, dreams and feelings and modern art should do just that. The only question is: Do you feel it or do you just see it?

From the one black dot on the canvas to many splashes of colors dropped on a canvas. It is not about what you see it’s about what you feel. Art speaks to us more than just physically, it speaks to us emotionally and that’s why we like it and why it should stay in galleries

Have a nice day!
Pa3k

Dreams

Hey guys!

Wow it's been a long time since I sat down and write something for you and for me. So it's already 2015...crazy. I wish you all a happy, successful year! You are amazing and your year will be awesome!

So today I want to talk about DREAMS. We humen we are wow crazy, we know so much, but it's all hidden. Yes we do forget things but in the back of our heads there is so much information that you couldn’t imagine (well I’m not a scientist or anything, but that obvious right?).

So Cinderella said “A dream is a wish, your heart makes...” and now that I’m thinking about it, it is kind of true. A dream is a thought that you need to remember but you don’t. I wish i was writing a dream journal or how do they call it, because I think that you could really find the missing pieces of the puzzle, or maybe just find out more about you. It’s so creepy when you think of that, but I think that it is kind of important to try to remember your dreams and try to connect them with your everyday life, because sooner or later it will turn out good!

Like that will be a totally banal example, but once upon a time...hahah just kidding a while ago I forgot my PIN code for my bank card, well I never actually knew it :/, but it was written in my phone, and I somehow lost it, I thought that I delete it or something when i was “cleaning” my phone... and for a moment I was devastated...then I forgot about, because I didn’t need it, but then you wouldn’t believe it, I dreamed about it! Though I was told that in the dreams you can’t read (I’ll get to that later), but I saw those numbers written on a paper in the dreams. When I woke up I didn’t think about it that much, I guess i didn’t remember it, but while we were eating that scene just popped in my head, those numbers. And I was like: “Wait, could that be... nah ah I don’t believe it...” and I didn’t think about it. It wasn’t until the week before New Year’s eve, when I was searching through my phone, trying to find some verses I wrote last year as New Year’s wishes, that I found the PIN code and it was the same combination that I dreamed about! Crazy! I was blown away really.

So like two days later we went to visit a very good friend and the talk led us to dreams. So she said that many times she could realised that she is actually dreaming in the dream. That never happened to me and I hope that it will some day. So she was saying that she tried to read a book and she couldn’t in some ways she couldn’t read or the words didn’t make any sense. She also told us that in the dream it may appear that you have more or less than 5 fingers on your hands or toes on feet. That’s just crazy. So I don’t know if that really means anything, but I just read that if dream is in black and white it may be, because it is like a warning or some kind, if the dreams are in vibrant colors they should be good dreams. So I’m thinking about how it feels when you know you are dreaming. I hope you understand that I’m usually being personal in my posts so excuse me for saying, but I do believe in god and in heaven and in soul, what I’m trying to say is, that our subconscious (wow that’s a hard word to spell...) is our soul and when we are sleeping our soul somehow disconnect with our body and could visit another galaxies, I know that sounds crazy but heaven knows what can we do outside our bodies.

So that friend she also talked about her father and how he could know that he is dreaming and he could control his dreams and he could go anywhere he’d like. Now i can’t really imagine how would that look like because then you wouldn’t want to wake up. What if that is the future, that we could actually live in our dreams. In my point of view that could kill you I mean, you could fall into a trance and never wake up, that can lead to not eating at least physically and would be just crazy creepy but still wonderful we could live anywhere we could do anything. A dream maybe is a different galaxy that our spirit lives, and we have that connection or maybe, that there are two of us, you and a “dream you” and when you are sleeping you are in the world of a “dream you” and when you are awake a “dream you” is dreaming your world. It’s sounds extremely crazy, but maybe there actually is no physical world and we are just ideas that are created through dreams that are flowing somewhere in the galaxy or maybe like Avatar, our body is connected to the machine that creates a world around you, but you are actually laying still and you don’t realise that.

That is truly creepy, I’m freaking myself up by saying those things, but wow. maybe those thoughts that I have now are the program bugs that want’s to let us know that this isn’t true.

Well I hope you are not freaked out too much, I don’t really think that this is true, but I think there is something more to this life than just living, that just can’t be a full circle and then you live life in peace in heaven? I can’t imagine that how does the peace look like? how does it feel? But I have to believe in it, because there sure is something, we are more than just physical beings, the world is something more than just that, but what? we will never know well until we close our eyes for the last time.

Now that I wrote this I will be thinking about it for days and it will be hard for me to fall asleep, because this thoughts will haunt me for a long time.

I know you are a bit shy, but please comment below if you ever realised you are dreaming and how do you wake up how is that possible? Please if you are not shy please let me know

P.S. Of course, a big thanks goes to Google Drive that is helping me spell those crazy english words (I'm not good at that). And I'm adding this illustration I've painted don't to freak you out even more

Be well! I’ll write soon!

Tea Forever For Me!

I have nothing big to talk about, just want to show you something!
When I heard that Lady Gaga have the song called Tea, I was wondering about what could it be (uuuu a rhym ;) ) If I can't hear her's I'll write my version, my idea of it and I opened a Word doc and typed the name Tea. Then I had no words...It was a blank canvas looking at me and I have no colours to create something of it. And i was so devastated that I saved that file with just a name Tea. It was hanging there among my files and one night (of course it was night cuz I'm a night owl and yeah then I have inspiration) and I got this idea of The A Team from Ed Sheran but still nothing tangible and I wrote the first verse among other very bad lines and it was she's my tea. Now why is she my tea? how can person be like a tea? Cuz she's that hot? cuz she tastes that good? cuz she smells that good? I was left again with those thoughts and I left it standing stearing at me. And I couldn't imagine ;), but I was drinking tea when I realise that she is like a tea, because I couldn't live without her. The first stanza (what a word!) was written it was sweet and lovely, but if you read my stuff I always like to fall a bit into dark upppsss I'm sorry. But it has a happy ending! yay me!!! And of course love, love, love, I want your love!

Tea

Everytime I see you on the floor,

Everytime you close another open door.

I start to wonder if it's true,

But I believe it is just you,

Nothing can dry your tears,

Nothing can turn back the years,

But when you are with me,

Smile and be free

                                         

You are like a tea,

Warm, good for me,

You are like a tea,

Running free.

And with every look I can see through your eyes,

And with every touch the cold inside of me dies,

And whenever she's with me!

She's my tea!

Now that we are apart we are blind,

I try to focus but only you're in my mind,

I'm feeling cold when I'm alone,

I feel bear as a broken bone,

Leave me alone in tears,

I'm lost in all heaven sfears,

But when you were with me,

I was happy, I could see

You are like a tea,

Warm, good for me,

You are like a tea,

Running free.

And with every look I can see through your eyes,

And with every touch the cold inside of me dies.

And whenever she's with me!

She's my tea!

I have to stand up and remember,

It's snowing and it's cold out in december,

I want to smell fresh tea leaves,

I need love for my heart that grieves,

When I feel that cold breeze,

When the phone rings, it's you please!

But when I hear your voice,

I have a second choice!

You are like a tea,

Warm good for me,

You are like a tea,

Running free.

And with every look I can see through your eyes,

And with every touch the cold inside of me dies.

And whenever she's with me!

She's my tea!

So hope you liked that! :) It's a bit wintery, but I don't care I don't live in time, but in imagination so I don't care! :D

Poetic Human Beyond The Worlds

So lately I was thinking about this film that I watched like two years ago Hugo. It got me thinking about the relationship between the boy and the machine-the  robot (i don't like that word) let's say that is mechanical human. And it got me thinking- the mechanical human couldn't work, because his heart was locked the boy had to find the key to find what mysteries he holds inside.

A body is just a mediator, composed of little wheels, pistons, tanks, circuits. A body is only like a hanger on which you can hang a hat, coat or lean a walking stick against it. A body has a pair of wings, they are strong, full of light feathers, that are raising the body up to the sky, clouds, dreams, dimensions. The wings are the heart, that gives you sensuality, that gives every touch softness or wrath.

A body will fly, wherever mind will take it. Mind isn't some kind of material that is building or running the body, mind is a product that arises, like a reaction, when one of pistons move. When the mechanical body is running, the smoke is twisting out of it, smoke that is ascending up high, that smoke doesn't have any limits like mind, that is taking you on a journey of life.

Sometimes things get lost, sometimes you lose everything you have, but there is always an opportunity that you stand up, there is always a signpost standing in front of you that says "Second Chance". Not everybody can see it, some see only the darkness.
I think that sometimes is okay, that things get lost; I think that is okay, that we let tears out of our eyes; I think that is okay, that with every move and every word we can start over!

Even if every word doesn not stay, even if every shape doesn not stay, it's sense stays. It's important what we do with that sense: Can sense fall into oblivion? We can forget about sense, but it won't dissapear, it will come back when we least expect it and it will put you in mind and it will make you cry.
I think that is okay that sence, that could be called a soul from the pulpit, but not as a soul that human has, not a soul, that takes you to heaven or wherever or maybe nowhere, I'm talking about a soul, that is designing you right here where you're standing, I'm talking about a soul and sense, that you usually forget about. When you have a chance, when sence is still holding on, to your shadow TAKE IT and saw it to yourself and show what that sence is about, give it new words, enrich it with new ideas and give it a new life!

Come with me beyond the worlds, I think it's going to be marvellous!!

Hope you're having a great summer

Pa3k

Be A Better Person

I should be sleeping, but my mind isn't letting me.
I will talk about a person whom I know very much...
I'll say that is he. He at first was very very okay, like that person that you know can make you happy, and you can just understand him.
People think that world is just a staight board and they can just walk and walk on it and there will be no problem, they are as perfect as a crystal, and even if they don't think about it, they are exactly like that. They can laugh, they can be funny, they can hug you, they can help you, they can like you, but what do they really think about you?
I'm more and more disappointed with him, he is always close, and I would think of him as a family, but no not any more, cuz everything is so hard, hard to help, hard to listen, but it's really not hard to talk and talk and talk about yourself right?
I maybe sound like a total drama queen, but let me just say that I believed in him, I saw a friend in him, I saw a part of me in him and now that's gone...I don't even know what to think...

People say they like somene, people hug you, but you can't see their face, what they think about you, and what do you think about them. I know and understand that you have to feel good in your body and you can make yourself happy I'm totally sure of that, but I think that you have to be looking around you, you have to see things, you have to learn to accept them, you have to see what are they bringing into your life.
Do you agree?
And if a person that you like that you think you know stop caring and forget about your interests and forget about your life and they see just themselves even in you and see all mistakes and do everything to show your mistakes in public so....I don't know what do you wanna say with that? WHAT!? that I'm that terrible? really? I think that life is more that just complaining and thinking that you are the centre of the straight board that you're living on. I think that life is more than words, more than likeable facade and lovely look.
What about behind those beatuful eyes? I see huge mess there that you are just storing there and trying to clean it with I don't know dusting and scrubbing everything every minute. With that you won't clean your head, that won't make you happier, no! Cleanliness won't clean you of your guilt, it won't make you a better person it won't make you likeable...

Words can be lies, but eyes never lie.

Think before you say anything and remeber to make people happy whenever you can, coz it will make them happy, it will make you happy, and don't clean too much coz that won't save you.

Darkness is you

Hey guys!

Not long ago I was looking at some of my old draft, and I found cuple poems that had the same idea, but were shown differently.
They are talking about being who you wanna be and who you are.
And we are all uncomfortable with our own lifes. I mean nobody can say that he/she is perfect, cuz then nobody on the planet would wear makeup and we would be made out of plastic and yeah believe me or not walk naked... but yeah...

We always say, we were made this way, cuz we are trying to find a way to like ourselves, it wouldn't be ok if you would wake up everyday and slap yourself, cuz you don't like your face.
And I think that that shows how strong are we actually: to find a way to like ourselves and not caring so much how are we are acting on the streets with friends or anywhere. That really is the strenght!
And I really like when people do show their flaws, cuz they tell you who this person really is and no powder, no fake/acted smile can't show that.
And that's why we are different, that's why we are beautiful in our own way. Sometimes I like to ask myself, what about animals, can they be ugly??
Well I haven't seen an ugly cat, or cow, or dog (not talking about breeds, but try to imagine you favourite breed). And I think that is because we have this perfect idea of a cat or a dog and if it has like a bit bigger snout or can't open eyes that far, or have wider face, we just don't pick up on that, cuz we see just a cat (or any animal that we like), and we all know that they are cute so nobody really gives a s*** how they look like, cuz they are cute anyway.
But we are not looking at people the same way, cuz we are not covered with fur, we are showing our skin, true face, and nothing can't really hide it (well a mask can, but I really don't believe that you'd wear a mask to a mall) But we are finding places, where our look isn't that important, like an artist paints on his canvas, like a sectretary works on the computer.
And then suddenly people are just starting to like you, because of your work and they are starting to like how you look, how you act, how you dress (like basicly, if we look at the "famouse" people they really aren't that perfect, we just make them that way, cuz we like them!) And I really love that!
Big A+ to all of you for doing that ;)

Yeah and I'll finish this post with a poem that I creatured from those different poems, and it is about finding your special place where you can feel beautiful, great even perfect!

In the garden of colours, where I stand,

I look around, I look at my hand

Red and blue and yellow, 

Are the colours that I see?

But what about me?

I'm just dark and just empty.

I clash with everything,

I don't deserve my place in the spring.

But when the sun goes down from the sky,

I see why do I have to defy.

It's not that I'm empty and that I'm stark,

It's because I'm the beautiful creature of the dark!

Have a very nice day and enjoy your Flower kingdom

Patrik :)

Me and You, Persona and Body, Love and Life

Hey guys!

I was just talking to a friend and remember what a person I am... Well I won't really talk about me as musch, but I will talk about innerself (i have no idea if that is a word, but I'm trying to say that I'll be talking about feelings and thoughts inside of our head; wow that sounds just crazy...)

Well I talked about this before, but I want to bring it up again.
I believe that persona can change in different situations (different places, with different people)
But it is still you. I'm trying to say that a person can be two people in one, two personas in one (maybe like gollum :/ )

What is means to be free, how do you act when you are free? and when are you free?
I think that we are never free, we always think about our behaviour, we always try to fit in, but in our own way. And maybe I'm a very happy guy in the great company and with great friends, but maybe I talk and think too much when I'm alone and I'm not humoristic when I'm alone.

When I'm with friends I'm very loud, but when I'm alone, it's like I'm not even there, I'm quiet and stilll.
And I'm sometimes asking myself who am I?
What kind of person am I?
It's sounds weird to me when I like read stuff that I wrote in the past, cuz it's like it wasn't written by me, it like I can go to that very special place in my mind that speaks for itself and I'm just a puppet for it.
O god, this is getting really weird, but here is another think.

I usually write poems...well there are usually about love, but I'm not in love and I don't want to be, not like never, but I enjoy being like this, but always love comes out always and I'm not even thinking of it.
I guess I really like the idea of love, I really love fairytales really! And I watch Once Upon A Time and it's just amazing cuz it's about love and hope.
Oh and maybe I don't feel love like a sexual feeling, but I feel love and seeing great in people and being friends with them, but when I think of it it always comes out as this fairytale love. And I sort of like that.

Hahahaha, I'm just laughing, cuz I'm anwering all my questions and I'm getting to know myself and I really love weekend when I can just think and enjoy. Cuz I think people really don't take much time to think, you know... I heard this and I think that is from Lady Gaga and how she spends more time in bed, but not sleeping like we all do (for just 5 minutes, which means a whole night to us), but for thinking about the day, herself, plans, future and I believe it really helps to know yourself it's like a date with yourself, like a breakfast of good thoughts to start a day. We should all do that sometimes. Don't you think so??

Now let's talk a bit about THE DARK SIDE hahaha, I wanna talk a little bit about those who never do that, and who are very high above, well sometimes they can be amazing people (like in the Austenland) but sometimes they are just judges. Now imagine them in court, wow we'll be all dead then. And I think the problem is that they don't think too much. Maybe they are very msart and know every aswer to every question, but this smartness in not life, well it can be a base of it, but not life, cuz you have to understand much more then math and science to be a human a person and some just don't know that. And it really hurts me when I see something like that happening, cuz I feel like I'm being insulted, cuz I was for my whole life, but I've grown and I stop listening, but still I hear thoes who are insulted and I know how they feel, and really I don't see a point in that. Is really that cool to be King/Queen of bullying is it that awsome to be that perfect to insult others?

I ask you to think next time before you say something, I ask you to feel beauty and love.
I want you to just take a few minutes and think about you, your friends , your plans, your goals and you will grew, your persona will feed on those thoughts!

Looking, Seeing and Understanding

How do we see?

What are we looking at?

Do we see it?

What is it?

Is it a chair?

Yeah, who gives a fuck, let's go!

*Is it a person that needs help?

Yeah, who gives a fuck, let's go!

How do you feel about that? What do you think about that? Are we any different? 

I guess I feel like this is true, I feel like a lot of people see blindness. They see nothing but, oh yeah their persona.

Why can't we all draw?

Have you ever asked yourself why can't you draw a line similar to chair’s?

This will not be any scientific fact or anything, but my wise thinking. Don’t take this as whatever, just think when you read.

I think it's because you don't really see it, you actually see what you draw, even if you don’t think so. Did anybody teach you how to look at something, how to see with your eyes and with your mind?

Is it so hard to draw a curve line or a shape of a nose? I mean can’t you see how simple it is to just imitate the shape and draw a line?

No. Not all of us see like this, because nobody taught you how to see things.

And you would say: “Yeah, but nobody taught you too.”

That is not quite right. I’m an artist, I draw. And teachers are helping me to understand shapes and SEE shapes in different things.

Let’s say you see a fountain, and you think: “Wow I could never draw a shape like this!” And then I see a square, a circle, and a triangle.

Is it so hard to find those shapes in things?

Now days people see through the eyes of publicity, eyes of money, eyes of fortune, ... But not many people see happiness, luck, kindness.

Do you see how happy you are?

Just think for a moment. You have an amazing family, which loves you, you have food every day on the table, you have a place to stay in, you like to call it home, you have amazing friends with which you have amazing time when you are together.

Oh, aren’t you happy? Is that not enough for you? What? You want a castle? Money? Boyfriend, which will make your life perfect, heal all cuts on your hand, make your life a dream?

Would you gave up your amazing life, family for that?

Are your hands really that not important?

Are you loving the pain, blood or what? I don’t get it, what is wrong with you?

Oh! You’re blind! You have happiness in front of you, why don’t you open your eyes and see this sunshine around you. What is your problem? Do you really have to be a drama queen, who doesn’t see two inches in front of her?

Why do we have to make our lives so miserable? Why do we have to bring up the pain and morn about every little thing that isn’t right or doesn’t suites us?

Why can’t you open your eyes and see this beauty of world, beauty of your life, happiness?

Speaking of happiness if you will sit in the bathroom cutting your hands, happiness will just walk by you, and you won’t see it, no you won’t…

Unless you stop for a second, forget every little thing that troubles you and look, spread your eyes and see in what dream you are living in! You have everything that you need even more, even things you won’t pick up even ones in your life, but you are still unhappy. Mourning will not bring you peace, mourning will not bring you happiness or joy.

You have to find it. You are standing here in front of this big wide World, on which you are walking your whole life! Now open your eyes and look at shapes. Don’t be blind, see within! Don’t be stupid, be just eccentric!

Keep them open and don’t forget to use them!

Night!

I want to talk about night and what people see in it.

Yup it's a black hole that doen't starts anywhere or finishes anywhere, it's just there...

Sun is tired, and he has to go to bed! Just kidding haha!

Night is here for us! To rest, relax and enjoy! Night is there for inspiration! And why? I would say, because it is mysterious! We can't tell why, but we can tell that in the night everything comes to us! We don't have to fight for a dream or thoughts that come to us in the night. I would say that night is our poem!

And I'm so glad that I can hear him! I'm so glad that I can talk, speak to him (please don't take this in a mad/strange way, cuz I'm talking metaphorically)

A lot of people talks about beauty of the night, because we don't know how she (I like to say that night is a beautiful maid, hidden in the dark) looks like, but we do hear her!

And something dark is very magical (dark, i mean beautiful dark)! And magic is something that doesn not exists, but we can feel it! (hope that you understand what am I talking about) 

Even Lady Gaga talks about it!! I just love her!!! She wants to marry the night, be different and don't give up, because night is something strange but beautiful!

And I like that!!!

So I challenge you to go out one night for a walk and feel this beauty (I have to say, that will sound stupid, but sometimes I'm afraid of the dark, but not in the nature, because you see how everything is resting-flora, fawna) and when you feel it enjoy for few moments! And then you'll hear her every night before you fall asleep, she'll never leave you!

P.K

Lonely

How is to be lonely?
How is to be just you?

I'm an only child. I really am not, I have a brother, but he does not live with me, so I'm an only child.
 Yesterday I went out. I don't usualy do that (but I'm not fat or anything haha). But I really needed to ran away, go somewhere were there's nobody, just me.
And while I was walking, I was toalking to myself and thinking why. Thinking that I don't have any friend with whom I could talk about my life outside uor "friend world". For me that is really hard. I am closed person. I just want everyone to be happy, I don't want to botgher them with my problems or anything, but sometimes something just fall out from me, randomly. And then I start thinking about what I just said and how did people feel about that. So for me that is really hard.

AND I THINK THAT I THINK TOO MUCH!

I have friends and they are pretty much open to me and to others, I have no idea how can they be like that. And sometimes that is just great, I mean you can say whatever you want like: I'm cutting my self. I would never tell that to anybody. I would be ashamed of that, and I know that this is not right, but... I just could not. I would have to have a magical friend to talk about this stuff to him/her. And I honestly respect those people which can talk and talk about them selfs; I do that with myself, I am talking to my self; I am talking to myself too much! I hate that about my self, 'cuz I can't open to anyone and tell her/him what is going on in my life; Like I can't stand to look at her, or That b**** is so f- lazy and not greatful that I could kill my self when she does those thinks, I mean people I could not say that to anyone (I just did, but that's not the point) and ruined their moment (I hope that I didn't ruined yours-sorry for that :/ ), I mean I like to help when somebody tells those things to me and I don't have problem with that, but I have problem with telling this to someone. It is really hard.

And when I think about this stuff, I feel so lonely; and I realise that I'm talking to myself like I don't have anyone to talk to, like I'm a freaking ghost. I really don't talk to much (or I talk too much) to people that I know about my feelings, about how am I going trought my life and if someone ask me: How am I doing in my life or something like that I usualy tell them that I'm god (like not the God, but like figure of his) that just ends everything.

Lonely. what word is that. In my sight that word means that you have a lot of people around you, but not people who would listen to you, who would help you. I'm sure that they would, but that's not how I feel (if you know what am I talking about). Being sure is like yeah they would, of course they would. But what I feel is, in what position whould that put them in? in what position whould that put me in. It's like magical, cursed circle.

And I don't know what to do, I'm just pretending that I'm "god".

And I'm being lonely.

Maybe that will change, maybe I will open in the future, maybe I won't be "god" anymore.

But if that happen, would I be the same person that I am? Person who can help, person who can tell everybody that everything will be ok, but not ok for me, because that is not my moment?

How would that be?

I'm afraid of that. I'm afraid to think about myself, my inside oneself. I'm afreid of that.

And I hope that you aren't.

And if you are. I would be happy to say: Oh, don't be. Open up, people are going to see you then, people are going to know you then.

But I'm sorry I just can't. Because I don't do that.

You are amazing!!

I just wached that video, here is the link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5uvFMGh4_Ag

I just want to say: You are amazing. If you are reading this remember: YOU ARE AMAZING!
Thank you for being in the World, thank you for making changes in the World, thank you for being anyones friend.
Thank you for seeing people that are in pain, thank you for being you and thank you for not caring for bullys, thank you for living your life, YOU ARE AMAZING!! Remember that!
Here is another video. If you can, wacth and read this with the pictures on the video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a_Am4cHMBKM&feature=share

Read this with the pictures (I wrote it :) )

It's hard to say goodbye, it's hard to leave everything and run away, it's sad to look how people are dancing but you don't, then you just let tears go, then you just have to sit on the edge of mountain and look how stars are shining just for your sadnes, it's just like you are holding the whole world on your shoulders, it's like you are at the party and nobody notises you, it's just like watching people go, beacuse of your protection, it's like you're a colour in black and white world, it's like crying for your friends and family, it's like being alive and watching all those dead people in front of you, it's like being alone in the universe, it's like squeaking for saving someones life, but nobody hears you, it's like being a man without a family, because some ˝animal˝ killed them, it's like to die in front of the water, because you were too exhausted to drink it.

 IT'S SAD.

But our tears can make a river of hope and then you see what life is for, it for leaving things behind and finding new ones, which makes you happy again and again. 

WITH THAT WE ARE BILDING OUR LIVES!!!!

And there is one thing that I'd like to say. IT GETS BETTER! Your life won't be over, when you finish high school, your life will go on, your life is going to be amazing, because you are AMAZING, don't forget that, please just don't forget that!!!

Have a very nice day everyone!!!

My first theater experience

Hey guys!

Today I want to write about my first experience with theater and my theater life haha. In my country our school system is a little bit different (elemantary-primary school-9 years (starts with age of 6 or7 ends at 15 years old) then high school 4 years and than college another 4 years) So in my first class we went to the theater in nearest city. And we saw The Snow queen and it was just amazing!!! I still remember some of the scenes and I got some of the pictures!. So I was so fascinated about theater life and that play and at age of 7 I made (wrote-tell (I did not write well at that age haha) directed, designed and I played the Snow queen) this play in my own view and it was not that good, I was crying...because my mask riped of, in the middle of the show, but we had to went on... So that was first trying. The second one went very well! We made The Little Red Riding Hood and I was a girl with the hood! hahah! Yeah I know that I'm a guy but all the girls just didn't know how to act, so someone has to do it...And then I made some little show for christmas and story times and stuff and then I made a bellet Cinderella, I still don't know how did it,  I did that was in fourth class. I was a prince. Oh Oh, yeah one of my friend was a ballerina so she knew it and it went well but some of the acters still did not know that you just can't talk with the audience in the middle of the show.
And then I had a little break, you know school stuff. And in last grade, that was last year I made a musical called A christmas carol by Charles Dickens, and I was working like all summer for that and the whole year before for just TWO shows hahah, but is was amazing! I was Scrooge! We had an amazing teacher and amazing "crew" yeah I got just one time slipper in my head so it was great haha. And we filmed it, which was not ideal, because a man who filmed us...well I hate him and the dvd cost like a whole fortune and I did not want him, but he came in I still don't know how... So That is my theater life and I have to say that I am writing The Snow queen again! And I hope that someday it is going to be on a stage. :)

The Truth!

I never understood what the word different means, until now!

You don't know yourself, until you step in the community of people. They don't know you, they don't know any of your interests or talents or thoughts. But they just judge. I really don't know why are we doing that. But not just to people, to food too.
Just think for a moment. How it would be if the food was alive? We would be in a war now!
 But we just ignore all of that. Yes, we do. We are the most dumb species on Earth. I mean, we look at hair, make up, body... But what about the heart, and things that we don't see? What about thoughts, ha? We are reading books and they are beautiful work of art, work of human's thoughts, but we don't see their message. Can you imagine, what the world would be like without them? No letters, no words, no messages...
Ones I heard in The little mearmaid:
"I just don't see how a world that makes such wonderful things could be bad."
And sometimes we forget about all those little things, things that really matters, things that are building our lives.
Now everyone who is reading this, just stop for a moment, spread yourself out on a chair, and think of your meaning in this world, of your meaning in the space.
Why should people remember you?
Why?
If I go back to The little mermaid. There is this song called Part of your world. You would think that is just a children story-movie-musical. But it's not, look, someone wants to be a part of your world!
Would you let them?
Would you let them see what is happening in your live? Can you show them something beautiful in it?
I believe that you can!
I believe that you are great!
I believe that you can make wonderful things!
I believe that you are a wonderful work od art!
Make this world beautiful!
You can do it!
Just believe in it!