Talking!

Hey guys!

I hope you don't hate ma cuz I didn't wrote for a long time, but I just don't want to repeat myself over and over again and I don't know if I ever wrote about this before, but yeah it's 3 am, still up, deep thoughts are coming to me and I don't want to lose them so I'll share them.
And this will sound desperate or maybe corny, but I hope that you get something out of these posts and I hope you enjoy them :D

So lately I opened myself to a little bit of psychiatry, well it wasn't anything big hahaah, but I really enjoyed talking and finding solutions with a person that I was talking to. I hope she won't be mad or anything that I'm writing this, but I just have to.
And she is "unfortunately" going to the psychiatrist. And I don't know if you from US, think that's pretty common, but here in Slovenia that is a bit taboo (but now it's like very cool thing, but people with real issues don't want to talk about it, but with a bottle of vine, people talk ;) sorry!)
But she talked a bit about the meetings and the way that they are talking (I know that there is a word for that, but it's there on my tongue and it doesn't want to come out, trust me I tried), so I really liked, how the psyhiatrist is really trying to get her to find the solutions and her problem is that she doesn't want to listen, she just talks and feel miserable about her life.

Ok, here I think I'll start talking about the thing that I want to talk about. So first of all, it's really important to talk to yourself (sounds creepy and totally useless cuz you're doing it but...), but not those regular stuff, but get deep with yourself, talk about yourself ask why, ask what is the real problem.

People are obsessed with love, now I understand why the parents married their's kids in the history, so they wouldn't get over excited about love and then totally break because of that, I mean if someone you don't really love is screwing someone else that won't brake you that much to have all of these "mean thoughts" (please god you were put here for a reason! Why was it you? find that!!!) ( *about the history tragedy* ok, that's not totally true that happened, cuz you have to live with that person and you don't have a choice, but to "love" them/ really deeply care about them), so what I mean to say is, that they wanted to protect kids from love :/
(wow! I feel like I'm the devil or something like that LOVE IS BAD!! NEVER FALL IN LOVE!! XD) I totally don't want to say that, I want to say that you have to look for the right person, not just someone who would stick their tongue in your throat and look at you very lovely, but then never call, but smeone, with who you don't have to do all of this stuff to know that he/she is the right one.

Enough about love, cuz I'm not an expert and some people will really hate this part, but what can I do...
So back to tha talking. Two things! First if you are quiet, you are not doing anything, well you are, you're pushing the pain in the back of your mind, and when the good thoughts will be gone, the bad ones will chasing you back, you have to face with the pain and problems! And I KNOW that this is the hardest thing to do, but if you can face with those thoughts you're already a winner! Now, up there we were talking about talking to yourself, now that won't work for everyone, but it can't do you bad. Before you go to sleep (like me, that's why I'm still up now writing this), before you close your eyes, look in the dark and just think for a moment, thoughts will come, don't worrym, when you have them just talk about them (BTW my best song is now on radio XD maybe this post will get any cheerful) and you'll see that when you start talking about what a miserable person you are, you will realise that you can fix all of that with the simplest things, it really amazing! I found them so can you!
But, if this is not working very well, you have this one friend who won't judge you, talk to them, but tell them that you just want them to listen and that you want to help youself and if you see, that this is not working maybe together you can find a solution (I always forget that word... -_-).
I totally believe that in school you didn't understand the thing until you started to talk about it! You know your answers, you just have to let them out and if you're quiet, you're not doing anything, just making it way worse.

Solutions are like bubbles, if you don't blow them them won't happen/appear, so get you stuff together and remeber all you need is to talk, to open those secret mouth of yours and let it out. JUST LET IT GO, LET IT GO, YOU CAN'T HOLD IT BACK ANYMORE! RIGHT?

+ To this friend of mine I gave three metaphors and of course I'll share them (and they are from my imagination :D )

1. So the man is riding the camel and they are traveling through Sahara and they are almost there, almost and the camel dies because she didn't have enough water to drink. What will the men do? will he die aside her?
Will he give up? NO! he will go and save himself he will run cuz he believes in himself!
AND I WANT YOU ALL TO BELIEVE IN YOURSELF!

2. The miner in very cose to find these special diamonds, he is so excited and he is digging and digging with his pickaxe, but he is digging so hard that hid pickaxe breaks, he taked out those sensors for diamonds and he sees that he is alomst there. But he don't have a pickaxe will ge give up? I don't think so he'll dig with his little hands like a crazy dog, cuz he really wants them and he won't what? He won't GIVE UP! NEVER GIVE UP, ALWAYS REMEMBER YOUR GOALS AND WHY DO YOU WANT TO ACHEVE THEM!

3. Ok you have your watch (antique one) and it breakes, so you take the other watch (different model) and you try to get the clock wheel form that watch to work in your antique watch, but it won't work, cuz the clock wheel doesn't fit. SO IF YOU TRY TO FILL A SPECIFIC PLACE IN YOUR HEART WITH SOMETHING THAT DOESN'T BELONG THERE IT WON'T WORK! YOU HAVE TO LOVE YOURSELF FIRST SO YOU CAN LOVE ANYONE ELSE!

PHRASE FROM DAEE DAYS WITH SIERRA BOGGESS: "YOU ARE ENOUGH, YOU ARE SO ENOUGH, IT'S UNBELIEVABLE HOW ENOUGH YOU ARE!"

P.S. you get this creepy painting of mine (I was learning on illustrator- don't judge)

and if you want you can help me with topics to wrote about :)

Have a nice day everyone!

pa3k :D

Poetic Human Beyond The Worlds

So lately I was thinking about this film that I watched like two years ago Hugo. It got me thinking about the relationship between the boy and the machine-the  robot (i don't like that word) let's say that is mechanical human. And it got me thinking- the mechanical human couldn't work, because his heart was locked the boy had to find the key to find what mysteries he holds inside.

A body is just a mediator, composed of little wheels, pistons, tanks, circuits. A body is only like a hanger on which you can hang a hat, coat or lean a walking stick against it. A body has a pair of wings, they are strong, full of light feathers, that are raising the body up to the sky, clouds, dreams, dimensions. The wings are the heart, that gives you sensuality, that gives every touch softness or wrath.

A body will fly, wherever mind will take it. Mind isn't some kind of material that is building or running the body, mind is a product that arises, like a reaction, when one of pistons move. When the mechanical body is running, the smoke is twisting out of it, smoke that is ascending up high, that smoke doesn't have any limits like mind, that is taking you on a journey of life.

Sometimes things get lost, sometimes you lose everything you have, but there is always an opportunity that you stand up, there is always a signpost standing in front of you that says "Second Chance". Not everybody can see it, some see only the darkness.
I think that sometimes is okay, that things get lost; I think that is okay, that we let tears out of our eyes; I think that is okay, that with every move and every word we can start over!

Even if every word doesn not stay, even if every shape doesn not stay, it's sense stays. It's important what we do with that sense: Can sense fall into oblivion? We can forget about sense, but it won't dissapear, it will come back when we least expect it and it will put you in mind and it will make you cry.
I think that is okay that sence, that could be called a soul from the pulpit, but not as a soul that human has, not a soul, that takes you to heaven or wherever or maybe nowhere, I'm talking about a soul, that is designing you right here where you're standing, I'm talking about a soul and sense, that you usually forget about. When you have a chance, when sence is still holding on, to your shadow TAKE IT and saw it to yourself and show what that sence is about, give it new words, enrich it with new ideas and give it a new life!

Come with me beyond the worlds, I think it's going to be marvellous!!

Hope you're having a great summer

Pa3k

Be A Better Person

I should be sleeping, but my mind isn't letting me.
I will talk about a person whom I know very much...
I'll say that is he. He at first was very very okay, like that person that you know can make you happy, and you can just understand him.
People think that world is just a staight board and they can just walk and walk on it and there will be no problem, they are as perfect as a crystal, and even if they don't think about it, they are exactly like that. They can laugh, they can be funny, they can hug you, they can help you, they can like you, but what do they really think about you?
I'm more and more disappointed with him, he is always close, and I would think of him as a family, but no not any more, cuz everything is so hard, hard to help, hard to listen, but it's really not hard to talk and talk and talk about yourself right?
I maybe sound like a total drama queen, but let me just say that I believed in him, I saw a friend in him, I saw a part of me in him and now that's gone...I don't even know what to think...

People say they like somene, people hug you, but you can't see their face, what they think about you, and what do you think about them. I know and understand that you have to feel good in your body and you can make yourself happy I'm totally sure of that, but I think that you have to be looking around you, you have to see things, you have to learn to accept them, you have to see what are they bringing into your life.
Do you agree?
And if a person that you like that you think you know stop caring and forget about your interests and forget about your life and they see just themselves even in you and see all mistakes and do everything to show your mistakes in public so....I don't know what do you wanna say with that? WHAT!? that I'm that terrible? really? I think that life is more that just complaining and thinking that you are the centre of the straight board that you're living on. I think that life is more than words, more than likeable facade and lovely look.
What about behind those beatuful eyes? I see huge mess there that you are just storing there and trying to clean it with I don't know dusting and scrubbing everything every minute. With that you won't clean your head, that won't make you happier, no! Cleanliness won't clean you of your guilt, it won't make you a better person it won't make you likeable...

Words can be lies, but eyes never lie.

Think before you say anything and remeber to make people happy whenever you can, coz it will make them happy, it will make you happy, and don't clean too much coz that won't save you.

Heros, Our heros

I just watched The Pretty One and I have to say that the film is damn good! You have to believe me, cuz it's pass 3 in the morning and I'm still up, cuz I wanna talk about stuff, like you know I loke to do :)
Well I'll start with this.
Who are our Heros? Who are Heros...
They are people that we worship, thy are people that inspire us, they are people that we want look alike, they are people who always have place in there hearts for us, even if they don't know.
But...(there is always that but) Who are you? If I ask you who are you or is I ask you Who is your Hero, which aswer would be answered first?
I'm going to take a guess the one about your Hero, cuz you have so much to talk about his/her, cuz your mind is exploding, just when I say the first letter of their name right? But when I ask you who you are, for the first 5 seconds you're going to be quiet right? Cuz you can't find the right words. Now I have my heros and you have yours and I'm not saying that that's wrong or anything, I'm just saying that you think enough about who you are, what are the things that descripe you.
I mean in The Pretty One we see just that: A perfect sister, with perfect life, and a weird sister who cleans after her father, but when the perfect one dies the weird one becomes the perfect one and finds that she wants to know about herself by pretending that she is someone else, but that someone else is just perfect why not stick to it, why not?
I mean, some people overlook something that they become that thing, but what about the person that is trying to stand up, be something new, what about that person?
You know people have a lot of copies of other paintings and yeah I just found that out in this film the father and the "weird" (sorry I know that that weird word is horrible, but you know what I mean) sister are painting reproducions of those famouse paintings, and she isn't so good with that, as she is not so good at faking that she is her sister, cuz she is someone else, she is something diffrent, something new, something weird if you want, that nobody else is. And everyone should be like that, everyone should thing about who they trully are, what are their goals, how they want to live.
But sometimes as I sad we just forgot, we don't have words about ourselves, but so many words about others, we are pushing ourselves in some corner of our body and forgetting that this persen is still actually in there, but when something poke that person and all problems come back we just crush, we are in pieces, and who is picking them up? Psyhiatrist! Why cuz we are not strong, cuz we didn't get crushed enough to find a way to pick ourselves up, we were pushing ourselves in the corner, behing old curtains, behind the scenes where no camera can come.
And PSYHIATRIST will save us, of course cuz they are paid to do that, and we have too much money, and we are to dumb to find ourselves. I mean what kind of animal are we? A stupid one, cuz we need someone who we don't know to tell us who we are? DO WE REALLY WANT THAT? Sometimes we think we are not strong, that we are losing, that we are going to be beaten by ourselves, just becouse we are too afraid to find out who we are.
We are afraid to find a lightness in the dark, we are afraid to be that light, we are sitting in the corner and crying cuz "there is no way out", but there are open doors, through them you can find another way, another path of your life, you just have to want it. It's not about the need, it's about the want, it's about your choise, it about you!
It's about WHO YOU ARE!

another thing I will of course post a poem with it, I wrote it like last week and I winished it like right now!
it's

The Light

When I wake up in the garden of colors each day,

the world is painted all in dreary grey,

No flower nor blossom,

Nor bird has come,

To open up the paradise,

To open up your eyes,

To see, to believe,

And love and never leave.

But the time had passed before you opened up your eyes,

the truth is hidden behind all the lies.

The beauty is now gone,

even smiles,

even friendships among the men,

they've used all the wiles,

tricks, ruses, killed again,

it was all gone anon!

The darkness came and ate the bright sun from the sky,

The colors are stolen and I could die,

But I'm somehow still here,

I'm not broken.

From the darkness I can appear,

Now I wear the dark tolken,

I know what this means,

It means, that I am the light that now appears,

I am the sun, not another color, nor another blossom,

I am the one, who will make thing right,

I am the one who will bring up the light!

Be your own light, find it and shine with it!!

Darkness is you

Hey guys!

Not long ago I was looking at some of my old draft, and I found cuple poems that had the same idea, but were shown differently.
They are talking about being who you wanna be and who you are.
And we are all uncomfortable with our own lifes. I mean nobody can say that he/she is perfect, cuz then nobody on the planet would wear makeup and we would be made out of plastic and yeah believe me or not walk naked... but yeah...

We always say, we were made this way, cuz we are trying to find a way to like ourselves, it wouldn't be ok if you would wake up everyday and slap yourself, cuz you don't like your face.
And I think that that shows how strong are we actually: to find a way to like ourselves and not caring so much how are we are acting on the streets with friends or anywhere. That really is the strenght!
And I really like when people do show their flaws, cuz they tell you who this person really is and no powder, no fake/acted smile can't show that.
And that's why we are different, that's why we are beautiful in our own way. Sometimes I like to ask myself, what about animals, can they be ugly??
Well I haven't seen an ugly cat, or cow, or dog (not talking about breeds, but try to imagine you favourite breed). And I think that is because we have this perfect idea of a cat or a dog and if it has like a bit bigger snout or can't open eyes that far, or have wider face, we just don't pick up on that, cuz we see just a cat (or any animal that we like), and we all know that they are cute so nobody really gives a s*** how they look like, cuz they are cute anyway.
But we are not looking at people the same way, cuz we are not covered with fur, we are showing our skin, true face, and nothing can't really hide it (well a mask can, but I really don't believe that you'd wear a mask to a mall) But we are finding places, where our look isn't that important, like an artist paints on his canvas, like a sectretary works on the computer.
And then suddenly people are just starting to like you, because of your work and they are starting to like how you look, how you act, how you dress (like basicly, if we look at the "famouse" people they really aren't that perfect, we just make them that way, cuz we like them!) And I really love that!
Big A+ to all of you for doing that ;)

Yeah and I'll finish this post with a poem that I creatured from those different poems, and it is about finding your special place where you can feel beautiful, great even perfect!

In the garden of colours, where I stand,

I look around, I look at my hand

Red and blue and yellow, 

Are the colours that I see?

But what about me?

I'm just dark and just empty.

I clash with everything,

I don't deserve my place in the spring.

But when the sun goes down from the sky,

I see why do I have to defy.

It's not that I'm empty and that I'm stark,

It's because I'm the beautiful creature of the dark!

Have a very nice day and enjoy your Flower kingdom

Patrik :)

White world

The world
full of loneliness
Is like white.

White is beautiful,
as loneliness can be,
but white is boring,
as loneliness isn't.

You can't talk to
white,
but you can talk with
loneliness.

Loneliness is you.

You are white.

You are beautiful.

Be who you want to be,
there is nothing wrong
with WHO you ARE.

White eyes, pale sking, cold breath, warm touch, will lead you to the world full of colours

It's not really a poem, but I found it when I was cleaning my room and I think it's nice if I share it :)

Beauty of writing the blog!

Hey guys!

Today I'll talk about the blog and me blogging. Why did I start? What do I want with that? What do I think about it?

1st how did I start? Well while I was looking for some answers and thoughts about some theme (I don't remember what was I looking for) I saw/read some posts on the Blogger and they were about them selves and their's days and stuff like that. If you read post here on Blogger you probably know what am I talking about.
So I didn't want that, I'm not famous and nobody is interested in my day or what am I doing so I started with posting my paintings and then I left for like a year or something like that. And if you read my blog (talking to those two person, who are reading me; btw thanks for taking the time for reading this) you know that I write when I have something to say, so my post are written like every week or maybe not, it depends on when I have the inspiration to write.

So for today, I'll be one of that other persons who are talking about them selves (don't take me wrong I talk about myself too, but "in the different way" (?), hope that you know what am I talking about)

My first post was I think Somertime sadness, I know it was lame and boring, but in that moment I felt like dying... hahaha bored, but my feeling-and I was talking about myself. That start was something that fell of me, cuz I wanted to talk and speak and tell people something, even 1 or 2 I don't care, I just hope they like it :). Something pushed me to speak and talk and inspire people trough my thoughts and way of living my life and then I started with things that inspires me or helping me or even troubles me and trough my process of living I want to teach you and help you with some stuffs/things. And as you know I always start with the opening (sometimes question, sometimes just a pologue) and then I start to talking about this perticular thing with meaning in my life or how do I do that and then I try to inspire you and give you some tips to be better at this, to don't be afraid of doing that, everybody make mistakes (like today I got sharpie on our leather couch, thank goodness nobody was hope, so I had time to clean it, uhh Hallelujah that was something)

these are some of the posts, in others I talk about my look through the movie, or book (I really haven't done the book yet, but I'll do it, already have a book :) ) so throught those posts I want to bring your eye in the hidden place of movie and maybe see it from the other engle, maybe better one (i don't know, nobody complained about it, should I add yet? )

So this is my prospective of seeing my writing and here it comes tips and tricks about it.
Maybe don't listen to me, cuz I don't have a lot of viewers, but if you do here is some of my tips!

1.Don't be afraid of doing the blog, if you're doing cuz you like and not because you want to be popular and shit, I mean along the way that could or should happen (didn't yet with me)

2. Write and thing about things that you know and love, for those you don't know ask or instructe yourself about it.

3. Don't ever foget about your feeling, put that in your post so you give something more something special in it

4. Don't be sad if not a lot of people are reading you, you write from your heart and people who see and read that can be happy, even one or two

5. Don't rush while writing, cuz thoughts comes in different moments

6. Be happy that you have a blog and you can write from your heart not just about your day and how were you washing the dishes :/

I hope that help you in some way and here is the final touch to that post...the epilogue

I love writing the things that I love and the beauty that those things has. You'll get the beauty of writing trought your posts and way you think.
So never forget that you were put here on this planet to be yourself!!

You are amazing!!

I just wached that video, here is the link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5uvFMGh4_Ag

I just want to say: You are amazing. If you are reading this remember: YOU ARE AMAZING!
Thank you for being in the World, thank you for making changes in the World, thank you for being anyones friend.
Thank you for seeing people that are in pain, thank you for being you and thank you for not caring for bullys, thank you for living your life, YOU ARE AMAZING!! Remember that!
Here is another video. If you can, wacth and read this with the pictures on the video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a_Am4cHMBKM&feature=share

Read this with the pictures (I wrote it :) )

It's hard to say goodbye, it's hard to leave everything and run away, it's sad to look how people are dancing but you don't, then you just let tears go, then you just have to sit on the edge of mountain and look how stars are shining just for your sadnes, it's just like you are holding the whole world on your shoulders, it's like you are at the party and nobody notises you, it's just like watching people go, beacuse of your protection, it's like you're a colour in black and white world, it's like crying for your friends and family, it's like being alive and watching all those dead people in front of you, it's like being alone in the universe, it's like squeaking for saving someones life, but nobody hears you, it's like being a man without a family, because some ˝animal˝ killed them, it's like to die in front of the water, because you were too exhausted to drink it.

 IT'S SAD.

But our tears can make a river of hope and then you see what life is for, it for leaving things behind and finding new ones, which makes you happy again and again. 

WITH THAT WE ARE BILDING OUR LIVES!!!!

And there is one thing that I'd like to say. IT GETS BETTER! Your life won't be over, when you finish high school, your life will go on, your life is going to be amazing, because you are AMAZING, don't forget that, please just don't forget that!!!

Have a very nice day everyone!!!

Writing

You have to be born for that!!
or try VERY VERY hard!!

So what can I say about writing?
Hmh, imagination is something what everyone has (dreams, thoughts,...) But there are people, who can tell imagination in word on paper. And this is the greatest job for me... I believe; let's say that is on second place, but it is an amazing job, because jo have no limits, you have no barrier ( I don't know if that even is a word), so what I am trying to say is that writing is something what you have in your soul, what you know the best how to do (an essey, songs, stories, novels)
That is something what makes you disappear in your world, in your little room with electric fan, because you are dying of heat!

 Writing is something that substitute an alchol for me, haha ( and please don't think that I drink, because I don't)

And you just can't write all the time. You have to get an inspiration and write it down on a paper or phone. But that is something that I don't do ( or do very occasionaly) : / So do that and brings your thoughts to life.

For sometime I thought that this is something what everyone can do, they just need to focus, but when I was watching Smash ( yeah I know, I'm mad for it) There was this amazing song, that brought tears in my eyes, because I saw what writing really means, I saw that this is a true talent, that not everyone has and I am grateful for that!

And there is not much in this song, that told me this, it was a relationship between a writer and composer, it was a situation between those two characters that brought this song to life.

So here is the lyric to this amazing song:

                                                              "The Right Regrets"

A writer has the empty page
Where he can set the scene
He puts the actors on the stage
Or on the movie screen

The characters all say the words
The writer wants to hear
And then, my friend
A happy end

But when the writer steps outside
That room where he is king
He can't control when lives collide
Or what the lovers sing

And so he hides behind his words
The one place he belongs
And in black and white
He can rewrite the wrongs

Where he can find the strength to say
What those he loves should hear
And just erase mistakes she's made
Then make them disappear

Where he can change the plot
So he's a hero, not a louse
And when the curtain falls
There's not a dry eye in the house

A writer hopes to leave behind
A work no one forgets
And when he writes, "the end"
To find he has the right regrets

A writer has the empty page
Where he can use his pen
To mend his heart
And try to start
Again

This song is originaly written by Marc Shaiman and Scott Wittman

And if you want to hear it, here is a link (Debra Messing is singing!!):

http://www.youstube.com/watch?v=txAOVa_QRu8