Talking!

Hey guys!

I hope you don't hate ma cuz I didn't wrote for a long time, but I just don't want to repeat myself over and over again and I don't know if I ever wrote about this before, but yeah it's 3 am, still up, deep thoughts are coming to me and I don't want to lose them so I'll share them.
And this will sound desperate or maybe corny, but I hope that you get something out of these posts and I hope you enjoy them :D

So lately I opened myself to a little bit of psychiatry, well it wasn't anything big hahaah, but I really enjoyed talking and finding solutions with a person that I was talking to. I hope she won't be mad or anything that I'm writing this, but I just have to.
And she is "unfortunately" going to the psychiatrist. And I don't know if you from US, think that's pretty common, but here in Slovenia that is a bit taboo (but now it's like very cool thing, but people with real issues don't want to talk about it, but with a bottle of vine, people talk ;) sorry!)
But she talked a bit about the meetings and the way that they are talking (I know that there is a word for that, but it's there on my tongue and it doesn't want to come out, trust me I tried), so I really liked, how the psyhiatrist is really trying to get her to find the solutions and her problem is that she doesn't want to listen, she just talks and feel miserable about her life.

Ok, here I think I'll start talking about the thing that I want to talk about. So first of all, it's really important to talk to yourself (sounds creepy and totally useless cuz you're doing it but...), but not those regular stuff, but get deep with yourself, talk about yourself ask why, ask what is the real problem.

People are obsessed with love, now I understand why the parents married their's kids in the history, so they wouldn't get over excited about love and then totally break because of that, I mean if someone you don't really love is screwing someone else that won't brake you that much to have all of these "mean thoughts" (please god you were put here for a reason! Why was it you? find that!!!) ( *about the history tragedy* ok, that's not totally true that happened, cuz you have to live with that person and you don't have a choice, but to "love" them/ really deeply care about them), so what I mean to say is, that they wanted to protect kids from love :/
(wow! I feel like I'm the devil or something like that LOVE IS BAD!! NEVER FALL IN LOVE!! XD) I totally don't want to say that, I want to say that you have to look for the right person, not just someone who would stick their tongue in your throat and look at you very lovely, but then never call, but smeone, with who you don't have to do all of this stuff to know that he/she is the right one.

Enough about love, cuz I'm not an expert and some people will really hate this part, but what can I do...
So back to tha talking. Two things! First if you are quiet, you are not doing anything, well you are, you're pushing the pain in the back of your mind, and when the good thoughts will be gone, the bad ones will chasing you back, you have to face with the pain and problems! And I KNOW that this is the hardest thing to do, but if you can face with those thoughts you're already a winner! Now, up there we were talking about talking to yourself, now that won't work for everyone, but it can't do you bad. Before you go to sleep (like me, that's why I'm still up now writing this), before you close your eyes, look in the dark and just think for a moment, thoughts will come, don't worrym, when you have them just talk about them (BTW my best song is now on radio XD maybe this post will get any cheerful) and you'll see that when you start talking about what a miserable person you are, you will realise that you can fix all of that with the simplest things, it really amazing! I found them so can you!
But, if this is not working very well, you have this one friend who won't judge you, talk to them, but tell them that you just want them to listen and that you want to help youself and if you see, that this is not working maybe together you can find a solution (I always forget that word... -_-).
I totally believe that in school you didn't understand the thing until you started to talk about it! You know your answers, you just have to let them out and if you're quiet, you're not doing anything, just making it way worse.

Solutions are like bubbles, if you don't blow them them won't happen/appear, so get you stuff together and remeber all you need is to talk, to open those secret mouth of yours and let it out. JUST LET IT GO, LET IT GO, YOU CAN'T HOLD IT BACK ANYMORE! RIGHT?

+ To this friend of mine I gave three metaphors and of course I'll share them (and they are from my imagination :D )

1. So the man is riding the camel and they are traveling through Sahara and they are almost there, almost and the camel dies because she didn't have enough water to drink. What will the men do? will he die aside her?
Will he give up? NO! he will go and save himself he will run cuz he believes in himself!
AND I WANT YOU ALL TO BELIEVE IN YOURSELF!

2. The miner in very cose to find these special diamonds, he is so excited and he is digging and digging with his pickaxe, but he is digging so hard that hid pickaxe breaks, he taked out those sensors for diamonds and he sees that he is alomst there. But he don't have a pickaxe will ge give up? I don't think so he'll dig with his little hands like a crazy dog, cuz he really wants them and he won't what? He won't GIVE UP! NEVER GIVE UP, ALWAYS REMEMBER YOUR GOALS AND WHY DO YOU WANT TO ACHEVE THEM!

3. Ok you have your watch (antique one) and it breakes, so you take the other watch (different model) and you try to get the clock wheel form that watch to work in your antique watch, but it won't work, cuz the clock wheel doesn't fit. SO IF YOU TRY TO FILL A SPECIFIC PLACE IN YOUR HEART WITH SOMETHING THAT DOESN'T BELONG THERE IT WON'T WORK! YOU HAVE TO LOVE YOURSELF FIRST SO YOU CAN LOVE ANYONE ELSE!

PHRASE FROM DAEE DAYS WITH SIERRA BOGGESS: "YOU ARE ENOUGH, YOU ARE SO ENOUGH, IT'S UNBELIEVABLE HOW ENOUGH YOU ARE!"

P.S. you get this creepy painting of mine (I was learning on illustrator- don't judge)

and if you want you can help me with topics to wrote about :)

Have a nice day everyone!

pa3k :D

Poetic Human Beyond The Worlds

So lately I was thinking about this film that I watched like two years ago Hugo. It got me thinking about the relationship between the boy and the machine-the  robot (i don't like that word) let's say that is mechanical human. And it got me thinking- the mechanical human couldn't work, because his heart was locked the boy had to find the key to find what mysteries he holds inside.

A body is just a mediator, composed of little wheels, pistons, tanks, circuits. A body is only like a hanger on which you can hang a hat, coat or lean a walking stick against it. A body has a pair of wings, they are strong, full of light feathers, that are raising the body up to the sky, clouds, dreams, dimensions. The wings are the heart, that gives you sensuality, that gives every touch softness or wrath.

A body will fly, wherever mind will take it. Mind isn't some kind of material that is building or running the body, mind is a product that arises, like a reaction, when one of pistons move. When the mechanical body is running, the smoke is twisting out of it, smoke that is ascending up high, that smoke doesn't have any limits like mind, that is taking you on a journey of life.

Sometimes things get lost, sometimes you lose everything you have, but there is always an opportunity that you stand up, there is always a signpost standing in front of you that says "Second Chance". Not everybody can see it, some see only the darkness.
I think that sometimes is okay, that things get lost; I think that is okay, that we let tears out of our eyes; I think that is okay, that with every move and every word we can start over!

Even if every word doesn not stay, even if every shape doesn not stay, it's sense stays. It's important what we do with that sense: Can sense fall into oblivion? We can forget about sense, but it won't dissapear, it will come back when we least expect it and it will put you in mind and it will make you cry.
I think that is okay that sence, that could be called a soul from the pulpit, but not as a soul that human has, not a soul, that takes you to heaven or wherever or maybe nowhere, I'm talking about a soul, that is designing you right here where you're standing, I'm talking about a soul and sense, that you usually forget about. When you have a chance, when sence is still holding on, to your shadow TAKE IT and saw it to yourself and show what that sence is about, give it new words, enrich it with new ideas and give it a new life!

Come with me beyond the worlds, I think it's going to be marvellous!!

Hope you're having a great summer

Pa3k

Darkness is you

Hey guys!

Not long ago I was looking at some of my old draft, and I found cuple poems that had the same idea, but were shown differently.
They are talking about being who you wanna be and who you are.
And we are all uncomfortable with our own lifes. I mean nobody can say that he/she is perfect, cuz then nobody on the planet would wear makeup and we would be made out of plastic and yeah believe me or not walk naked... but yeah...

We always say, we were made this way, cuz we are trying to find a way to like ourselves, it wouldn't be ok if you would wake up everyday and slap yourself, cuz you don't like your face.
And I think that that shows how strong are we actually: to find a way to like ourselves and not caring so much how are we are acting on the streets with friends or anywhere. That really is the strenght!
And I really like when people do show their flaws, cuz they tell you who this person really is and no powder, no fake/acted smile can't show that.
And that's why we are different, that's why we are beautiful in our own way. Sometimes I like to ask myself, what about animals, can they be ugly??
Well I haven't seen an ugly cat, or cow, or dog (not talking about breeds, but try to imagine you favourite breed). And I think that is because we have this perfect idea of a cat or a dog and if it has like a bit bigger snout or can't open eyes that far, or have wider face, we just don't pick up on that, cuz we see just a cat (or any animal that we like), and we all know that they are cute so nobody really gives a s*** how they look like, cuz they are cute anyway.
But we are not looking at people the same way, cuz we are not covered with fur, we are showing our skin, true face, and nothing can't really hide it (well a mask can, but I really don't believe that you'd wear a mask to a mall) But we are finding places, where our look isn't that important, like an artist paints on his canvas, like a sectretary works on the computer.
And then suddenly people are just starting to like you, because of your work and they are starting to like how you look, how you act, how you dress (like basicly, if we look at the "famouse" people they really aren't that perfect, we just make them that way, cuz we like them!) And I really love that!
Big A+ to all of you for doing that ;)

Yeah and I'll finish this post with a poem that I creatured from those different poems, and it is about finding your special place where you can feel beautiful, great even perfect!

In the garden of colours, where I stand,

I look around, I look at my hand

Red and blue and yellow, 

Are the colours that I see?

But what about me?

I'm just dark and just empty.

I clash with everything,

I don't deserve my place in the spring.

But when the sun goes down from the sky,

I see why do I have to defy.

It's not that I'm empty and that I'm stark,

It's because I'm the beautiful creature of the dark!

Have a very nice day and enjoy your Flower kingdom

Patrik :)

Me and You, Persona and Body, Love and Life

Hey guys!

I was just talking to a friend and remember what a person I am... Well I won't really talk about me as musch, but I will talk about innerself (i have no idea if that is a word, but I'm trying to say that I'll be talking about feelings and thoughts inside of our head; wow that sounds just crazy...)

Well I talked about this before, but I want to bring it up again.
I believe that persona can change in different situations (different places, with different people)
But it is still you. I'm trying to say that a person can be two people in one, two personas in one (maybe like gollum :/ )

What is means to be free, how do you act when you are free? and when are you free?
I think that we are never free, we always think about our behaviour, we always try to fit in, but in our own way. And maybe I'm a very happy guy in the great company and with great friends, but maybe I talk and think too much when I'm alone and I'm not humoristic when I'm alone.

When I'm with friends I'm very loud, but when I'm alone, it's like I'm not even there, I'm quiet and stilll.
And I'm sometimes asking myself who am I?
What kind of person am I?
It's sounds weird to me when I like read stuff that I wrote in the past, cuz it's like it wasn't written by me, it like I can go to that very special place in my mind that speaks for itself and I'm just a puppet for it.
O god, this is getting really weird, but here is another think.

I usually write poems...well there are usually about love, but I'm not in love and I don't want to be, not like never, but I enjoy being like this, but always love comes out always and I'm not even thinking of it.
I guess I really like the idea of love, I really love fairytales really! And I watch Once Upon A Time and it's just amazing cuz it's about love and hope.
Oh and maybe I don't feel love like a sexual feeling, but I feel love and seeing great in people and being friends with them, but when I think of it it always comes out as this fairytale love. And I sort of like that.

Hahahaha, I'm just laughing, cuz I'm anwering all my questions and I'm getting to know myself and I really love weekend when I can just think and enjoy. Cuz I think people really don't take much time to think, you know... I heard this and I think that is from Lady Gaga and how she spends more time in bed, but not sleeping like we all do (for just 5 minutes, which means a whole night to us), but for thinking about the day, herself, plans, future and I believe it really helps to know yourself it's like a date with yourself, like a breakfast of good thoughts to start a day. We should all do that sometimes. Don't you think so??

Now let's talk a bit about THE DARK SIDE hahaha, I wanna talk a little bit about those who never do that, and who are very high above, well sometimes they can be amazing people (like in the Austenland) but sometimes they are just judges. Now imagine them in court, wow we'll be all dead then. And I think the problem is that they don't think too much. Maybe they are very msart and know every aswer to every question, but this smartness in not life, well it can be a base of it, but not life, cuz you have to understand much more then math and science to be a human a person and some just don't know that. And it really hurts me when I see something like that happening, cuz I feel like I'm being insulted, cuz I was for my whole life, but I've grown and I stop listening, but still I hear thoes who are insulted and I know how they feel, and really I don't see a point in that. Is really that cool to be King/Queen of bullying is it that awsome to be that perfect to insult others?

I ask you to think next time before you say something, I ask you to feel beauty and love.
I want you to just take a few minutes and think about you, your friends , your plans, your goals and you will grew, your persona will feed on those thoughts!